Where I’m sitting right now should be a moot point that I don’t even mention, but it still gets me every time. I’d always avoided these places in the past, preferring locally-owned and operated coffee shops, but you can’t always do that. Actually, I can’t really afford to do that. For a couple of reasons.
Reason number one: Local coffee shops are so expensive! Now, you might be thinking something like, “Well, if you can afford to buy coffee at a Starbucks every day, you can certainly afford to shop at a local coffee shop.” You have a point there, Me, but you’d be wrong. I stop and sit at this place for hours a day. It’s centrally-located in the city, so it’s a really good place for me to wait for runs to come in, and that’s how I make money. There are no local coffee shops around me, but I probably wouldn’t go to one of those, anyway. Also, local coffee shops tend to charge more for their coffee. Almost $2 more for the same size, in some cases. I’m here at this Starbucks about 5 days a week, so when you think about it, that’s an extra $10. Which doesn’t count the fact that I can get a cheap refill because I’m always here, even though you’re only supposed to be able to do this if you stay in the cafe the whole time. They know me here, so they know my drink, and they don’t mind giving me a refill when they should be charging me for another cup, and while I could probably get that at any local coffee shop I could frequent, I might feel worse about it. Almost like I was taking advantage of them, whereas there’s no cognitive dissonance here because it’s a huge corporation that happens to take care of their employees while still paying them a shit wage. So, that savings goes from $10 a week of guilt-free coffee to about $30 a week because it’s always possible that I might feel bad for the owner who I have gotten to know.
Reason number two: Location, location, location! I already bunked this one by mentioning it in my last paragraph, but I cannot stress enough how important it is to find a good location to sit and wait. This is Midtown Atlanta. There are very few places to park for free, so all I have to do to earn the right to sit here is to buy a coffee and sip on it for a few hours. I can leave and come back, but since I have this branded cup, I can bring it inside and use it as my Starbucks ghetto pass and sit until I get another order. Ad infinitum. Plus, it’s winter…ish, so being inside a building in a comfy chair is kind of nice. It definitely beats sitting in my car in one of the surrounding neighborhoods where I could potentially be rousted by the cops or reported for loitering by the residents. Being an unsavory-looking individual has its negatives, even if I look better this way, and that’s one of them. Seen from a distance, I’m a bit intimidating. You have to talk to me to get over that.
Reason number three: There is NOOOOOOO reason number three.
Reason number four: They know me here. I’ve bonded with the manager – he looks suspiciously like Colin Meloy, the lead singer for The Decemberists – and I’m friendly with most of the baristas. This is important because it earns me good will. I don’t make a fuss, I’m polite and friendly, and with the exception of that one girl who doesn’t work here anymore, these people like me. I have something in common with all of them, and it extends beyond just spending all of our time in this Starbucks in Midtown.
Reason number five: The coffee. I drink coffee like it’s going out of style. Like I’m trying to give myself a heart attack. Like I have nothing to live for but still keep going because I’m too much of a coward to end my life, and the only thing keeping me from drowning in this abyss of sorrow and disappointment is the too-strong coffee. Calling back to that girl who took an exception to me because I was apparently being “too friendly,” the day I made friends with the manager, I got very angry at “getting in trouble” and almost resolved to never come here again. I tried going to the Starbucks down the road, but there was no parking, and it put me way too close to Downtown. Then, I tried the Caribou Coffee a few blocks away, but after drinking so much of this java that it could kill a god, their coffee was a pale, weak, watery brew of no consequence, so I came back. And things have been great ever since. I guess it showed strength of character, or some bullshit like that, but I’ve been coming back ever since, and the unnamed employee who took exception to me never said anything about me again, so I must have properly behaved myself. Which is just fine with me because it takes less effort and allows me to get more work done.
Reason number six: The free wifi. Yes, I know that lots of places have free wifi nowadays, but Google is literally four blocks away, and this wifi is powered by Google. I know that technically doesn’t have anything to do with the strength or speed of my downloads or the consistency of the connection, but there’s something to be said about psychosomatic reassurances. Back at the Caribou, the wifi was slow and terrible. Here at the Starbucks, it’s very rarely down, and it’s almost even usable in the parking lot. That saves me even more money by allowing my to download app updates and surf imgur from a wifi signal rather than using my own data plan, and it keeps me from using too much data at home which allows me to binge watch more Netflix shows. Because who really watches movies anymore, right?
Reason number seven: The butts. I’m in Midtown Atlanta, as I said. There are a LOT of good looking girls in the area, and most of them walk to Starbucks. Some of them come more than once. Cute, hot, enticing, appealing, enthralling…there is plenty of eye candy around here, but this is probably the least important reason why I come here. Probably. We’ll see.
These are the reasons why I’m always here. Being here is how I’m suddenly able to start writing again. It’s why I’ll hopefully be coming up with better content for you, if you’re even here at all and not just hanging out in my imagination. And now, to stop this post and make use of the other reason why I hang out here. All the coffee I drink has to go somewhere, after all.