Having written at length on a large number of the same topic over and over again, it’s about time to touch on a subject that’s constantly plagued me while getting more and more difficult as the years pass. And that subject is dating. There’s no shortage of reading material in this department, but my take will hopefully help. If nothing else, the venting will assist my own thought process.
Dating is hard. It’s difficult. It’s a pain in the ass. And it’s been made more and more difficult as the years have gone by. I’m currently 34 as I write this, and I’m so busy that I’m relegated mostly to the online arena. There are several problems with this, and I’ll go about enumerating them as I see fit, thankyouverymuch.
The first impediment to online dating as a goddamned adult is the fact that I can’t hide how old I am. Now, I’m not looking for a way to do that better. I don’t care how old I am. It’s just a number. All it means is that I’m one higher on an arbitrarily-dictated incremental system determined by the Earth’s position in space. I’m very much the same as I was in my late- and mid-20s, but there’s a number that says I’m not, and that’s the first thing people look at. Well, they look at the pictures, too, but that doesn’t help. If you’ve seen my pics, you know that I’m not conventionally attractive and tend to rely on my animated personality and gestures to make up for it. No six-pack abs. No chiseled features. No ultra-manly physique. And a particularly low number of friends who take pictures of me when we’re together in public. None of those things help, but the age is the first obvious deterrent. Being 34 and single means that I’ve obviously made mistakes, which is true, but none of those mistakes have trapped me into a relationship that has lasted longer than it needed to. Well, none save one, but that’s not for the here and now to discuss.
The second impediment is my social status. I don’t have a high-paying career-type job, and I’m not in the upper echelon of society. I work blue collar as a freelance food courier, and I work roughly six days a week. I also work as event crew, but that collar is even bluer since it’s purely physical work with very little problem-solving, though there is plenty of that along with a little bit of autonomous design, though it doesn’t come across that way and is very difficult to convey. And since everything I do is freelance, I have the added burden of having to pay all of my own taxes and knowing that close to half of the money that I make isn’t really mine. Of course, very few women get to find this out because they don’t talk to me.
The third impediment. I’m a pretty weird guy. I have a decently-unique point of view about many things, and I’m not all that good at small talk. I’m the guy who approaches you in public and says something weird enough to make you pull a stupid face until I walk away. It would be pretty groovy if I had a head-mounted camera and wanted a collection of stupid looks, but that’s not what I’m trying to get. I’m trying to get dates, and a stupid face means no dates. A STUPID FACE MEANS NO DATES! You like the emphasis? Moving along.
That basic inability to small-talk translates abhorrently into text, unfortunately. And while I used to be great at cold messaging a girl, that ability has sadly fallen by the wayside. We have apps with match percentages or swiping pictures, and I’m trying to figure out what to say that will get you to respond. Just one response is usually all I need, but even that rarely happens. I’m not a super creep, and I’m not trying to marry you with the first message. I’m just trying to phish for a response and get you to respond so that you’ll maybe go out with me and have a good time. I know how to have a pretty good time, and that’s important, but you have to respond before that happens, and my weirdness certainly doesn’t help with that.
The fourth impediment to actually dating someone is my sad inability to get a second date. When all the stars align, and I get to go on a first date, something happens that prevents a second. It’s either the way I communicate after the date or during, or it’s something that happens where I find out that you’re suddenly not in the right mental or emotional place to be dating people, and I had to spend money for you to figure that out. Or maybe you’re just not in the right mental or emotional place to date me. I don’t know. I can’t tell, and if you don’t tell me that, I won’t be able to pick it up. Apparently.
This is just a list of gripes, but the it’s mostly true that the Internet has mostly ruined traditional dating. It’s made girls cynical and guarded. Always wondering if THIS is the guy who’s going to kill her and wear her skin. And while I’m not one of those “nice guy” types who tips his tiny fedora and says, “M’lady,” it doesn’t help me any because I’m intense and hard to understand. My intentions, even when spelled out from the front, are apparently unclear. It’s the same thing that happens every time I go for a job interview. I’m deadpan and calm. I can unleash a terrible passion, but it has to be with terrible purpose, and a first date doesn’t really count. All of these things are my crazy, but it goes deeper than that.
How deep does it go? That remains to be seen. If it’s ever to be seen again. I’m not getting any younger, and I’ll never be the type of guy who destroys womanly objects for his own sexual gains, so it remains that dating is hard. The dating game is difficult, and “Netflix and Chill,” is ridiculous. So, here I sit. Looking. Waiting. Hoping. Not approaching. Is there a way around this? Maybe, but if so, I’m not in the right place. My life’s choices have made dating harder than it needs to be. Harder than it should be. And there’s no manual written for people like me. And that really sucks because I’m the guy who actually reads the manual.
To cease this rambling rant sooner than later, I just want to meet a crazy girl who matches me. Who’s willing to give me a chance. And who doesn’t mind that I’m a weird guy who works hard to survive. That should count for something, right? But when it does, I just hope I’ll be able to see it for what it is.